A Sinner's Prayer: a work finally finished

This is a piece I found as I was going through my files this morning. Apparently, I began to write it in October 2012, but didn't get to finish it until today. The parts in red are those I wrote almost three years back; the ones in blue I put in only today to finish the poem. 

A SINNER'S PRAYER

My heart is sore within me

My knees tremble as I kneel

I've had my way, I disobeyed

But I feel empty still

Lord, raise me from the mire

This is my soul's desire

Take away my guilt and fear

Wash me, this is my prayer.

I don't deserve to face You

But there is no one else.

There is no good in running,

Or hiding from Your grace.

Lord, free me from my chains

Your grace I humbly claim

I ask, save me not from pain,

But cleanse me, Lord, from sin.

What amazes me and drove me to post this piece is how much I can still relate to the sentiment expressed in the unfinished poem, so much so that I could still pick up the thought and continue it. But more than that, I am more amazed at how much more of God's grace I have come to understand by study and experience in the three-year gap. 

I think today of 1 John 1:9,"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Jesus loves us so much that the forgiveness He offers is not just a pardon from the sinful act committed, but also a cleansing from the unrighteousness within that causes the wrong act/thought/deed/sentiment. I love how Inspiration puts it in the book Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing:

But forgiveness has a broader meaning than many suppose. When God gives the promise that He "will abundantly pardon," He adds, as if the meaning of that promise exceeded all that we could comprehend: "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:7-9. God's forgiveness is not merely a judicial act by which He sets us free from condemnation. It is not only forgiveness for sin, but reclaiming from sin. It is the outflow of redeeming love that transforms the heart. David had the true conception of forgiveness when he prayed, "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10. And again he says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12.

My Redeemer is indeed faithful and true. Praise God for His wonderful mercy and matchless grace!

To the Dust Again, and From

Mercy, Father, for mercy I plead

Not for any argument, but my great need.

Where, if not to You?

From where else shall mercy flow?

So I bow to the ground whence I come

To be taken again by my Potter's hands.

One For the Road

I found something pretty on my way to to the office down the hill today. See how there are six petals on one blossom? All the others had only five.

Yesterday, it was this calf that was apparently born just a few minutes before I came along. If you look close enough, you could see the placenta just beyond where the cows are. The mommy cow was really protective and got mad when I tried to pass. My heart skipped several beats when she attempted to charge at me thrice.

I follow this path at least once every day, and I thank the Lord for preparing something new and special for me every single time - a new thought,  clearer understanding, the green of the rice fields. the colors of the sunset sky, a friend to walk with, the scent of leaves, the other day my own shadow. So many things.

I could almost see Him point to a tiny blossom and excitedly say, "Look, love. This one opened today. It's for you. Ain't it pretty?" 

Then I get so excited about what else is in store for me along the way that I travel day by day, what else He almost can't wait to share with me.

He isn't just a God who sustains me and provides for me. He's someone who wants me to know joy and beauty in things both simple and profound. 

And what can David say more unto thee? for thou, Lord GOD, knowest thy servant.  For thy word's sake, and according to thine own heart, hast thou done all these great things, to make thy servant know [them]. Wherefore thou art great, O LORD God: for [there is] none like thee, neither [is there any] God beside thee, according to all that we have heard with our ears.  

  2 Samuel 7:20-22

and His promise:

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.  Jeremiah 33:3

I just love being a child of the King. Don't you too?

On Loop in My Heart: God’s Goodness

God is good.

Did that sound cliché to you?

There just isn’t any other way to say it. It’s the closest I could get to expressing that wonderful truth.

God is good.

I could not, for the life of me, find any reason why He would take the time to mold and shape me, to make sure I get everything that I need, to bring people into my sphere of influence. Patiently, He surrounds me and drenches me with blessing after blessing, every single one calculated to fill my individual need. But He does.

God is really just good.

I cannot repeat it enough times.

His goodness I see in nature, in the way He sustains me and my family, in the way He provides for my needs, in the privileges He gives me to serve despite my imperfections. The most wonderful evidence, however, remains to be the outworking of His grace in people’s hearts, bearing fruit in beauty, and mercy, and faithful surrender, and loving service.

One afternoon, I found myself alone in front of my computer, weeping. I was in conversation Kuya Nick, the man whom God had used to bring me to the LIGHT school in Nueva Era, Ilocos Norte, thanking him for being God’s instrument. Instead of taking the credit for himself, He glorified God and asked how God is leading me after the training. He shared to me his burden for today’s educational systems and his vision of establishing a school after God’s blueprint in Davao – a vision I share and desire to pursue.

At the end of our conversation, he said the words that stirred my heart and brought out the tears, “Learn what you can now, and if it be my calling to support you in the work that God has put in your heart to do, then so be it.”

How could it be? How could this man, with his talents and means and beautiful family, be willing to support me – sinful, weak, imperfect me? How could he surrender himself so fully to the Lord’s will? And the Lord – how could He will to entrust a sacred work into my heart – my wicked, wavering heart? How could He believe that I deserve these opportunities to learn and serve? How could He drench me in so much grace?

God is good.

What other reason could there be?

And when I see His goodness overflow in people's hearts to mine, it moves me and makes Him more real and more beautiful to me - so beautiful I could not fully fathom, much less express, just how much. Tears are perhaps the closest I could approach to expressing how I feel, and even that is not enough.

God is good.

God is good.

His mercies are new every morning.

His grace flows without measure.

His love – His unfathomable love – saves me, sustains me, amazes me, and awakens in me a love for Him – my good, wonderfully good, God.

Officially 26

today will be memorable. i woke up to friends serenading me. i dropped my dslr for the first time (that should mean something, right?). something in me died and something better sprang up in its place. i taught someone and learned from someone. i received rose-colored glasses. thank You, Lord for channeling Your love through so many beautiful people. please make me worthy of them.

special shout out to auntie Perla for this pair of shades that totally matched my shirt.

Earthen Vessel

This was inspired by today's reading about the life of Paul in Ellen White's Gospel Workers:

 "He is a chosen vessel unto Me," declared the Angel who appeared to Ananias, "to bear My name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel." 

Acts 9:15.

EARTHEN VESSEL

Clay I am in the Potter's hand

Turning, spinning, becoming

A vessel for something grand

Gathered I was from the ground

Molded, loved and filled, chosen

Though clay I am.

Forgiveness

How can you seek mercy from One who is above you if you can't show mercy to one who is below you?

The story of the unforgiving servant comes to mind. Perhaps someone has owed us that way - hurt us, used us, treated us wrong, lied to us, betrayed us, cheated us out of something. Perhaps it's the boyfriend who had another girl, or the father who abandoned you, or the jeep driver who insisted on one more passenger, or the teacher who hated your guts, or the stranger who carelessly stepped on your toe. Have you forgiven him?

If not, then how can you ask God to forgive you in the name of Jesus Christ who died for your sins? When you really think about it, Jesus didn't really have to die for you and me. They could have gone on and created another pair of humans.

But He did die a humiliating death for us. He walked the earth, taught us to make the most of this life, and gave us the way to the better life. Jesus loves us. He loves me, He loves you, and He loves the "moron" who stepped on your toe.

So now you think how you've failed Jesus time and again, and how each time,  He opens His arms to you. Think of all the wrong you've done in your life and multiply that by the number of people on this earth. His love covered all of those. How much has your love covered so far?

Maybe you've forgiven but haven't really forgotten, all the while not knowing that forgiving IS forgetting.

So free up some space on your memory, and make room for more of Jesus in your heart.

 Forgive.

A Song I Wish I'd Written Myself

BLESSINGS

Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I Love You

I love you
I have called you by your name
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow
My steadfast love is the same
I love you, I love you
With a love that will not end

Even the hairs of your head have been numbered
So there's no need to be afraid
The mountains will depart and the hills will be shaken
But my steadfast love will never end

Before you were born I have loved you
I have graven you in the palm of my hand
Fear not for I have redeemed you
I am with you to love you with a love that will not end

My Father, My Lord

i found this in one of my old notebooks. it's dated July 8, 2007


My Father, My Lord

He formed me from dust and called me His own
Then showed me marvels in sky and sea
And when I forsook Him, He bade me return
Wonder of wonders, my God's a mystery.

My Father called peace out of a storm
My Lord, for mercy, wore a crown of thorns
What power, what love combining
What strength, what grace in His keeping
I rejoice in His goodness and trust in His word
I stand amazed at my Father, my Lord.

He causes winds to howl and thunder to roar
Yet speaks to me in a still, small voice
He is both the Balm and the Life
But He bled and died of His own choice.

Wherever with Him, I can be still
For He can both love and power reveal.

I Come to Him