On Forgiving and Moving Forward

Many people, myself sometimes included, seem to think that the way to correct mistakes and/or heal from broken relationships is to simply move forward and forget. While that may work sometimes, it's probably better to look back on the situation, evaluate the circumstances with honesty, determine the cause, humbly acknowledge faults that are your own, with equal (if not greater) humility identify the faults that were not yours, if possible and/or desired seek peace with the other person/s, and earnestly avoid the thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes that led to the rather sad and painful experience. If nothing changes in the formula, nothing will change in the results.

While I believe there are valid applications to the old "FORGIVE AND FORGET," I have also grown to believe more in "FORGIVE AND LEARN." While this could easily be interpreted as "I forgive you but I don't want to see you anymore," it is not what I mean. It is true that learning sometimes means having to cut people off from our lives, but I would take the phrase more to mean that we grow with our experiences, learning more about ourselves and about other people --our way of learning, their way of learning, how we adjust, how they adjust, how we react, how they react, how we are affected, how they are affected, our values, their values, how we can change, how we can help them change, what we want/need, what they want/need, etc. etc. and how all these can come together and help us become better than who we were -- more honest, more fair, less self-centered, more prudent, more balanced, wiser, kinder, stronger, humbler, more gracious, more faithful, more capable, with eyes that are more open to truth.

Where "I love you, you love me, let's just forget and move forward" may not work, "I love you, you love me; let's both learn and grow" just might. Come to think of it, that is the right kind of forward.

On top of all these I remember with gladness and assurance, "When God has His rightful place on the throne of the heart, the right place will be given to our neighbor." (Desire of Ages, 607)